Air conditioning is ruining my marriage. Ok, that’s an overstatement, but if summer lasted all year long, it probably wouldn’t be. Most New York City buildings are not equipped with central air, and our apartment is no exception. So we have one of those obnoxious, bulky units that takes up our beautiful view of the rusty fire escape. It hums and rattles at an obnoxious decibel. I know this because I conducted a scientific experiment whereby I compared the volume level we use for our TV when the air conditioning is off versus when it’s on. 18-32= fourteenvolume points! That’s a lotta points.
The thing about the air conditioner is that it sits directly behind one seat of our couch, the coveted seat. The chaise lounge. One of us is always parked there. The noise of the air conditioner behind ones ears, paired with the noise of the TV in front of ones ears means that the noise coming from ones spouse seated to your right is completely muffled, distorted, or entirely canceled out. Wait a minute… One plus one equals two…no wonder my husband drops onto the chaise immediately after walking in the door.
A sample conversation….Mike flips to a new TV channel.
Me: “Football?”
Him: “Tony Siragusa.”
Me: “Huh?
Him: “The Giants…”
Me: “NO. I SAID, ‘FOOTBALL’?”
Him: “OH. YEAH.”
As you can see, the two of us are thisclose to solving the nation’s healthcare crisis, sorting out the ulterior motives behind the Pan Am terrorist’s release and fixing Cash For Clunkers.
There are conversations we should probably be having. We should probably talk about budgeting for a new house, strategize over our search strategy, compare our views on parenting. But I think I’ll wait for late September when the temperature cools down and the air conditioner goes into hibernation. Till then, it’s nod and smile.
Tags: summer
Don’t even realize you’re in the room half the time. Throw a pillow the next time you need something.
Made me laugh! I can totally picture it……