Recently I was chatting with a colleague who is about the same age as me and I mentioned in passing that I was 28 years old. She stopped, allowed her eyes to pop out a bit from her skull and said, ‘Wait, you’re only 28??’
‘Well, yeah’ I replied in confusion. For don’t we all presume that everybody knows exactly how old we are, though most wouldn’t have reason to care enough to ever think about it? Then, in a tone of growing uncertainty, ‘How old did you think I was?’
‘I dunno,’ she said, ‘Older than 28!’ And isn’t it just a typical female reaction that I didn’t consider the possibility that her confusion might be stemming from a good place. I didn’t consider that she presumed me older because of my professional title, or the way I carry myself. I didn’t chalk it up to a ‘wise beyond my years’ nature or grace under pressure demeanor. No, instead I tentatively touched my face, anxious fingers feeling around my eyes for freshly birthed wrinkles. I wondered if the youthful freckled face I still see in the mirror every morning had become the ghost of faces past.
‘Do I look older than 28?’ I asked hesitantly.
‘No!’ she said. ‘It’s just that you’ve got a husband, and now a house, and a baby on the way.’ Oh, well yes, there’s that. To society, I bear all the trappings of a grown, settled adult. All the boxes that would lead to a 30+ conclusion are checked. But I’m still 28. Tomorrow I’ll become a homeowner. The owner of a HOUSE. With a yard, and a deck, and a two car garage. In a matter of days (maybe weeks), I’ll become a MOM. I’ll have a SON. I’ll still be 28. And yet, some days I still feel like the 8 year-old girl who only wanted to wear her oversized Batman t-shirt and play roller hockey with the neighborhood boys. Some days, I still feel like the braces-wearing 13 year old who blushed every time a teacher called on her in school. Some days I still feel like the wide-eyed 21 year old who didn’t know where her life was headed after college. I don’t know what 28 is supposed to feel like. But some days it feels downright amazing.
