The Internet is a great place to go if you’re looking for some motivation. Sundry’s constantly pushing her limits and documenting her goals and then going out and grabbing those goals by the balls and showing them who’s boss. She Like’s Purple’s got a list right on her site, and she’s systematically crossing things off as she goes. That’s accountability right there. It’s inspiring, it really is. It’s also humbling.
I read about the things people are doing after setting their minds to something and I wonder, what do I want to do? For years I had an endless string of goals I set for myself, and I’m proud to say I achieved just about every one of them. Move to New York City: crammed myself into a tiny Manhattan apartment nearly seven years ago and haven’t left the metro area since. Get a job in media: landed an entry-level gig at an ad agency a few months after graduating college. Run the New York City marathon: got the medal to prove it. Work at a magazine: rose up a few ranks at one of the world’s foremost business magazines.
My most recent goal, although that doesn’t seem like quite the right word for it, was to become a mom. If you’ve read any of this blog, you know I achieved that one. And of course, my tandem goal to go along with that was to be a GREAT mom. I don’t know that I can judge my progress on that one—I’ll probably always give myself a little less credit than I deserve. After three months though, I feel confident saying I think I’m doing a pretty good job. Check back in eighteen years when my ‘masterpiece’ is complete.
So now, what’s next? Here’s where I’m drawing a blank. I don’t have any Big Dreams right now, and I think what bothers me most about this is not so much that I don’t have anything I really want to accomplish at the moment but more that I feel badly that I don’t. Have I become complacent? Boring? (don’t answer that one!)
Maybe it’s just a phase. Maybe we should be given a break on life goals during the first year of our firstborn’s life so that we can instead focus on pressing matters like making sure the baby is still breathing each night and fretting over whether or not he’s reaching each developmental milestone and worrying that he’s too high or too low in those vaunted percentiles. Maybe as a child learns he is independent from you, you too begin to remember that you are independent from him. That you can have dreams all of your own again–dreams that aren’t wrapped up in him. Dreams that he can one day understand, acknowledge, and—eventually—congratulate you for achieving.
Tags: introspection
