There are many things I felt certain I’d never become. We all have those, don’t we? You know, where you tell your cousin, “If I EVER show up to Christmas dinner in a cat-festooned holiday sweater, please excommunicate me from the family.” We all have our standards and our ideas of who we are, who we will be, and what we swear we’ll never become. Lately, I’ve been dismayed to discover that I have, in fact, taken on many of the personas I so fiercely declared I never would. Let’s list them, shall we? I never thought I’d be the kind of person who:
Goes to Starbucks twice in one day.
Says, “Did you make a poopy?”
Has a couple containers of Wet Ones on hand
Adds an annoying baby-voiced ‘ies’ to every. single. word. See: lunchies, jammies, munchies, toesies, sleepies
Shops more than two grocery stores in one week.
Says, “I need my wine.” On second thought, who am I kidding? I think I always knew I’d end up the kind of person who says that.
Buys organic and feels smugly confident that I’m doing ‘what’s best for my family’.
Gets excited when the weekly circulars come out, and refers to them as ‘circulars’ with a straight face.
What about you? What kind of person have you been embarrassed/disappointed/humbled to discover you’ve become?
Tags: introspection
I think you meant to say “Mommy needs her wine-ie”
1. A guy who has become a human sound effects machine and knows he looks absolutely ridiculous doing it.
2. A man who would rather spend 10 minutes with his son before he goes to bed than spend 3 hours having dinner with strangers at my favorite steakhouse.
3. Two words – Jazz hands
4. The kind of guy who doesn’t mind wiping someone else’s ass (I’m accustomed to just kissing them).