Posts Tagged ‘family’

Never Again

Monday, May 23rd, 2011

We took a red suitcase with us to Puerto Rico. It was oversized, near to the point of comically so, and it held everything the three of us would need for the week. So that Wednesday afternoon, when it never appeared on the lethargic conveyor belt of baggage carousel 4 in Luiz Munoz International Airport in San Juan Puerto Rico, to say we were upset, well, that would be an understatement. It also should have been a sign.

The bag did show up later that afternoon, and was set to be delivered to us that night. Only it was delivered to the wrong building, and so the following morning, Mike could be seen dragging a very large red suitcase around the hot and windy main road of our very large resort complex. The resort shuttle, much like the bag the day before, never showed up.

While Mike was schlepping and sweating with our belongings, I was inside our villa taking long, close, concerned looks at Drew’s face. He had awoken that morning with a rash on his face. At first I thought maybe there had been mosquitos in his room, or perhaps a couple bugs had decided to nestle in with him in his crib—the rash was more pronounced on one side of his face. And there were other spots too—his knees were developing a slight rash, and wait, a diaper change revealed a lacy rash invading his backside. Come to think of it, the previous day he had seemed to have a fever while we were on the plane. His body had been hot right down to the soles of his feet.

Later that day the three of us piled into a taxi and drove 40 minutes to a local doctor. I held Drew on my lap and he fell asleep nestled into my lap. I looked down at his face, red from a continued fever and a rash that seemed to be spreading by the minute, and cried. What was going on with him? Who was this doctor? Where was my mud slide?

We ended up at a clinic that was part of a medical office building situated along a busy highway. Our taxi driver (who, it should be noted, went ABOVE and BEYOND for the duration of that day) waited inside the clinic for us while Mike and I paced the tiled atrium outside with Drew. The wait may have only been 30 minutes, but with a baby who was alternately crying in our arms and curiously stomping up and down the place, running head-first for the stairs, it was interminable.

The doctor told us he had never seen a rash like the one Drew presented with. Need I say these are not the words you want to hear from a doctor? He ordered us to a lab within the building for bloodwork. If we thought Drew’s crying was bad before, it was a joyous laugh compared to what came out of him when I was charged with pinning him down while a lab technician pricked his finger and methodically squeezed 20 purple drops of his blood into a small vial. We three emerged from the lab shaking, and returned to waiting and pacing.

The bloodwork came back normal. After a check of Drew’s ears and throat, the doctor declared a case of strep and prescribed a course of antibiotics, Benadryl and pain relievers. The rest of the day was spent consoling a very cranky toddler and trying to hide our looks of horror at the blisters that were steadily forming across his face, hands, feet and knees. I had heard of strep, and even scarlet fever, but this? This didn’t add up.

Thanks to the wonders of Dr. Google and BabyCenter ( I KNOW.), we re-diagnosed our son with a case of Coxsackie virus, also known as hand-foot-mouth disease (but NOT hoof-mouth disease, LET’S BE CLEAR). It’s a nasty, vile illness, and we soon learned to what degree. Out of six people on our little vacation from hell (four adults, two babies), five people got coxsackied. And so, as each day dawned a brilliant sunrise over the Caribbean, another member of our fated group came down with a fever, then sore throat, then blisters.

On our last day, Mother’s Day, Mike came down to the pool where I was resting–for the first time in the entirety of our trip–and said, “If you think Drew’s face is bad, you should see Charlie’s.” Oh no, I thought, were both babies now blister-faced? As it turned out, no. Charlie, 8-month daredevil that he is, had taken a headfirst dive out of his stroller and onto a concrete floor. He now had Coxsackie AND a nasty road rash.

That afternoon, us four adults did the only thing we could think of. We poured a bottle of rum into a pitcher of Bahama Mama mix and had at it. This may have been the vacation we would never forget, but we sure as hell were going to try.

battered and bruised boys

Thanksgiving

Wednesday, November 24th, 2010

Thanksgiving will be a lot different this year. For one, a high chair will be pulled up to the table. A cheesy ‘Baby’s First Thanksgiving’ bib will probably be gifted to one Mr. Drew, and said baby’s stubby, sticky fingers will inevitably throw mashed potatoes and stuffing across the room in which we will be sitting which is–of course–carpeted.

Some things about Thanksgiving will not change. Mike and I will, as we have done every year for at least the last five years, prepare goddman stuffed mushrooms. We made them one year, back when we were still a new couple, eager to show everyone that we like to do cute couple things together, like wipe the dirt off of mushrooms, carve out their tiny stems and cram the resulting holes full of butter, bread crumbs and onions. The result was a big hit, and every year I play a game with Mike’s mother or his aunt (depending on who’s hosting), in which I ask what we should bring along and one or the other of them responds by hemming and hawing and wondering before finally suggesting ‘hey, why don’t you bring those stuffed mushrooms.’ So each year we make the goddamn stuffed mushrooms and each year we curse the fact that we ever made that time-consuming appetizer in the first place as opposed to, I dunno, sour cream and onion dip.

Other things that will not change: there will be hot crab dip and Ritz crackers; Mike and his brother will playfully punch and pretend box each other in what I guess is a way for them to express their love; the older generation will complain about the rising cost of food; my father-in-law will share fishing stories; and we’ll all make the same tired joke about how we’re stuffed before the main course has even been brought out. Then, each of us will somehow find room to eat a full plate and then make even more room for dessert. After it’s all said and done we’ll raise our hands if we want after-dinner coffee, and we’ll lazily clink our spoons in our mugs as the excitement wears down and the food comas set in.

Slowly, over the years, the Thanksgiving seats will change. We’ll add some with joy and celebration. We’ll take some away with sadness and grief. At some point in time the reins will be passed down to our generation. I’ll be the one frantically dialing the Butterball Turkey Talk-line in the early hours of Thanksgiving Day. With the power in my hands, I’ll get to decide whether or not anyone must bring goddamn stuffed mushrooms. Something tells me we’ll still have ‘em. The day is a bent and yellow-paged book we’ve all read; we could recite our favorite passages with barely a glance down at the page. The men will, as always, get too comfy on the couch watching football and us women will bump into each other in the kitchen as we wash this, dry that, put that away. The table will look different, but by and large it will be the same. And isn’t that something to be thankful for.

Halloween

Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010

I gotta admit: Halloween was fun this year. I haven’t cared much for Halloween since about, oh, maybe ten years ago when I donned a mermaid costume (SEXY mermaid, natch) and drank a few too many Malibu Bay Breezes at a ridiculous party my roommates and I threw at our college apartment. This year, of course, Halloween took on a different, more innocent tone.

First, I bought decorations. It started out very unassuming, just a tablecloth here, a couple hand towels there. And yes, a few token pumpkins in the front hallway. Then I went to Target. From here, Halloween exploded. I bought window clings. Window clings! And that fake cobwebby stuff that makes we want to gag at the mere sight of it. A fake plastic skeleton, a tombstone, another skeleton made to look like it was crawling out of the ground…all these items ended up in the red cart and eventually in our home.

Rituals ensued. Drew began fondly tapping the skeleton each time we’d enter the front door. I began saying ‘Is that the spooky skeleton?!’ each day, day after day after day. If only he could talk, by day four Drew probably would have said, ‘Yes, Mom, it’s the damn spooky skeleton! I get it! Now let me rattle the bones in peace.’

We bought pumpkins and a pumpkin carving kit. Mike chose the most complicated pattern and carved his two weeks early. I waited until the afternoon of Halloween day and carved an easy pattern. We are nothing if not true to ourselves.

A gorilla suit arrived in the mail. Drew wore it on Thursday, and seemed rather pleased about it. He wore it again on Saturday, begrudgingly. Sunday, when we stuffed him back in it for the third time, he let us know in no uncertain terms that he was DONE with being a gorilla. Alright, kid. It’s ok. We got our pictures.

skeleton at the door

creepy

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ready to party

Dreams Become Reality, Sort Of

Wednesday, September 15th, 2010

Back in our brooding days of youth, my friend Kate and I used to lay around in our sweats, eating knock-off Tostitos, drinking Beringer White Zin and dream aloud about what our future lives would look like. We’d try to picture our husbands, foretell how many kids we’d have and what they’d look like. As we delved deeper and deeper into these imagined futures, we’d talk with growing excitement about how great it would be to get our families together each summer and vacation at the beach. ‘Can you just picture it,’ we’d say, ‘our little kids running around on the beach?’ In these imagined scenarios, the two of us would be lazily reclining on beach chairs while our kids calmly and quietly played in the sand, our handsome husbands by our sides. (How adorably naïve we were, to think we’d be able to sit on the beach and gossip over books and magazines, while our kids magically minded themselves.)

It was all a little surreal when that long ago dream came somewhat true over this past Labor Day weekend. Nearly a decade out from the Era of Nachos and Bad Wine, Kate and I found ourselves taking up residence at a beautiful house on the Jersey Shore, along with our respective husbands and sons. In some ways, our vision had come true, and of course in many ways it was far different than our younger selves would have ever believed.

When we first dreamed up our futures, we didn’t even know our now-husbands existed. We pictured adorable children, but we couldn’t have imagined just how adorable they would turn out to be, or how our hearts would have the capacity to love them as fiercely as we do. With no real-world experience to go on, we didn’t realize that our sons, at such tender ages, would be far more interested in muddy sand than in playing with each other. That we wouldn’t have the time to sit on beach chairs, catching up for hours. How were we to know that instead we’d be running around the sand with our kids, stopping for brief intervals to marvel or complain over what each was doing, giving each other a silent look that could only mean, ‘You know there’s nothing I’d love more right now than to sit and talk with you, except, that is, to sit at the edge of the tide, getting sand in my ass because my baby loves the sand and it’s his first experience with it and I don’t want to miss it for the world, sandy crotch or no!’

No, back in the daydream era we didn’t realize that we might not get to sit on the beach at the same time because our kids would be on different nap schedules and you Do Not Mess With The Nap. We wouldn’t have believed that we’d go to bed at 10PM (on vacation!) because we were just So. Damn. Shot. from the day.

I still like to think that one day our dream will come true. Our kids will be old enough to play by themselves. Our beach chairs will actually get some use. We’ll park our asses in them and talk and talk. Occasionally we’ll get up to yell at someone to come closer, or to stop flinging sand. And maybe, for old time’s sake, we’ll toast with a glass of White Zin.

hot mamas

bffs and our boys

29 and Feeling Strangely Fine

Wednesday, August 18th, 2010

Birthdays have never been big occasions for me.  Growing up there wasn’t much (or any, really) family around. And with a summer birthday? Well that meant that very often few friends were around either. There may have been a pool party one year, but never any big blowouts.  There were no ponies, no clowns, no bouncy castles.  There wasn’t a sweet sixteen, no big celebration for turning legal at eighteen. This is not to say you should all band together and throw a big party for me because, waaaah, poor deprived me; no, this is only to establish my relationship with birthdays—few expectations, very little fanfare.

But this year?  This year felt different.  This year I turned 29. I know, 29 is no milestone. It’s an odd number. It’s not pretty like 20, comfortable and easy like 25. It’s not established like 30. But 29?  It’s kind of like that blaring yellow sign on the freeway, “Last Exit Before…”, a strong and direct warning that you better know where you’re going because if not, you’re going to end up in a place you don’t want to be.

Mike has told me for, well, five years now, that turning 29 is much harder than turning 30. At 30, I guess, you’ve come to terms with your fate.  You’ve gotta accept that you can no longer enter a college bar and assume that you blend in with the students.  Likely, you don’t. I suppose that’s the purpose that 29 serves: a whole year to come to terms with facts such as these.

This year, instead of the usual “I guess we could go out to dinner?” I suggested a BBQ to celebrate my birthday. I’ve met many new friends over the past few months thanks to my wee sidekick and I thought it’d be fun to get these new pals together with friends I’ve known for years in one place to mix and mingle.

The turnout for the soiree was so fitting for 29. There were friends I’ve known since college–friends who were present for (and partners in) some of my most debaucherous moments. At one point we all shook our heads at the realization that we’d known each other for over a decade. There were friends I’ve met only a few months ago, but who already feel like sisters because they are my seatmates on this exhilarating ride called parenthood. They don’t know about the time I fell down drunk in the middle of the street after stumbling out of a frat party (although now, I guess they do). But they know how many hours I slept last night, and my thoughts and fears about the best time to have a second child. There were babies, adorable babies!  On one hand it felt so natural; on the other, so weird.  When did we become the kind of people who throw parties involving children?

So when they brought out the cake–a strawberry flavor I’ve had every year since I was a toddler–and everybody gathered in the dining room (I have a dining room!) to sing happy birthday before my friend’s 2.5-year-old son leaned in to blow out the candles, in one room I saw my past, my present and my future, swirling and mixing into one solid picture: my life at 29.

happy birthday!

Shapeshifter

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

Gradually, we transitioned. We moved away from living in hours, enduring painful feedings, shushing and rocking, bouncing and swaying.

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Now we live in days. Feedings are no longer painful; they’re an adventure. Each day there is a new food to discover, a new taste. Sleeping is no longer preceded by shushing and rocking. At night, the sleeping is twelve hours straight. Gradually, we rediscovered days that had a beginning and an end.

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There is laughter now. More laughter than crying. There is even more love, love that compounds and compounds.

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We are getting some of ‘us’ back. At the same time, a new person is emerging and the form he is taking is altering ours in the process. We are shaping him, of course, but he is shaping us as well.

And there is sadness, bittersweet. We are speeding through the first year, and out the window all is a blur. As quick as we learn to deal with one phase, one challenge, it is replaced with another and there is no time to think about what we left behind. We are looking ahead and looking behind, awed and dizzy.

First Family Vacation: Check!

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

Thank the sweet baby Jebus, all of my travel fears were for naught. Drew couldn’t have been a more perfect traveler. Well, he probably could have, but he behaved exactly the way we dreamed about. Minimal fuss on the plane, save for takeoff and landing, and really, who could blame him? His poor little ears must have hurt. Thankfully it was nothing a little feeding couldn’t cure.

**Side note: forgive me for going off on a slightly bitter tangent, but can I take a moment to tell you about the awful return to New York landing we endured? There’s me, saddled with a cold, feeling as though my face is going to explode while we descend altitude, there’s the pilot who must have been compensating for *something* judging by the way he came barreling into landing full speed ahead, causing the plane to bounce as though we were caught in a turbulence cloud of doom, and there’s the baby, who could only be calmed down by nursing, which involved me desperately trying to hang onto him while the plane raises and dips, raises and dips, all the while my face contorting into uglier and uglier paroxysms of pain from the pressure. Oh the pressure!

But! Back to the matter at hand. The vacation! It was glorious. It was everything we love about a warm, sunny destination, just with the addition of swim diapers and even more sunscreen. It was board shorts and shades, frozen drinks, overpriced poolside food, damp lounge chairs, an abundance of striped towels, no concept of time, daytime flip flops and evening dresses, late night dinners, white sheets, white towels, white bathrobes, front desk name mispronunciation, sandy feet, sunscreen and a little baby in resort wear.

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It was perfect, for all three of us.

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Vacation

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

The reservations have been confirmed. The checklist is written. The clothes are all laid out. The sunscreen is bought. The swimsuits have been begrudgingly tried on. We are ready for vacation. As ready as we’ll ever be, given that we’re traveling with a four month old. I’ve never been a nervous traveler, but it’s safe to say that this time around, I’m, well, I’m a little apprehensive.

I’ve been playing a silent movie in my mind, one in which I foresee all that could go wrong while traveling with an infant. We come stumbling through the terminal, lugging sixteen bags because one baby necessitates a very disproportionate amount of take-along items. The baby screams all the way through the security line, a hotbed for human nastiness own its own, now amplified with dagger-eyed stares directed at us and our screaming child. The baby somehow sets off the security alarm, resulting in a full-body pat down of chubby baby limbs that renders him wailing and inconsolable while I spew nastiness at the offending TSA officer. We take twenty five minutes to board, despite the pre-boarding privilege because we are tripping over our own carry-on items in a desperate search for the wipes—WHERE DID YOU PACK THE WIPES?!—because baby just pooped like he’s never pooped before just as we’re boarding the aircraft. And on and on, ad infinitum, right until we settle into our hotel room.

Of course, I’ve also silently pictured all that could go wrong post-flight during the course of our vacation, but I trust that your imaginations are capable of being as dire as mine, so we’ll leave it at that.

I’m sure that things will go far better than I’ve let myself imagine. They will, right? Tell me they will. I’ve been telling people that I kind of just want to get this vacation behind us so that we know what it’s like to travel with an infant and will be more confident travelers in the future with solid experience behind us. I’m not usually this way. I’m more of an ‘everything will be fine, don’t worry!’ kind of person. But. But. I just LOVE to travel. I want our child to love to travel. I want the addition of a child in our life to mark a seamless transition from being a traveling couple to a traveling family. So I guess I see this trip as setting the tone for our future, which I know is ridiculous because Drew will not always be four months old and in need of a warm boob to calm him down (which, BTW, nursing in public, I’m terrified of you too!).

I want—need?—this trip to go well so that we can continue to be inspired to see new places, not just the two of us, but all three of us. And if it doesn’t go well? I’ll just have to order enough poolside pina coladas to make the memories a little fuzzy.

Mornings

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

Drew wakes up sometime in the six o’clock hour, the hour when I am most dead asleep. This is also the hour that Mike gets up (thank God), and he spends the limited time he has before work playing with Drew. While I sleep away the tired from stupored, middle of the night feedings, the two of them play—the wee one in his monkey pajamas and the big one in his button down and khakis.

At seven I’m up, and the first thing I see as I rub the sleep from my eyes is the two of them, father and son. From their interactions it’s clear that they’ve been up together for some time now; they are synced in some inexplicable way. It’s as if I’m walking in on a secret society, and rather than feel a longing to be let in on the fun I feel grateful—it is the one time of day that I am not absolutely necessary. They’ve got their thing and while they are happy to see me, they are happier to be with each other.

At ten after seven we are on the move. Drew is in the back seat of the car, watching the bright sky unfold before him as we glide down tree-lined streets on our way to the train station. Mike and I spend the eight minute drive talking about our plans for the day and the days ahead. We confirm what calls need to be made, what errands need to be run. One of us remembers a story we meant to tell the other the night before, a tale that got lost in the rush of the previous evening.

Sometimes I wish the train station were further away; I feel like we often hit our conversational stride right as the platform entrance comes into view. Mike has only a few minutes to say goodbye, climb the obnoxiously long staircase up and down the other side before his train pulls in, ready to whisk him off to another day of work. We kiss goodbye and he opens the back door of the car to say goodbye to Drew. I crane my neck to see this last interaction between them.

The door shuts and we pull away. “Just you and me, kid” I say to Drew. We are headed for home, and another day.

Sisterhood

Wednesday, March 31st, 2010

For all that you hear about women being catty and petty, and yes there’s plenty of truth to that (shame on us) I’ll tell you what, nothing brings women together like babies (and I’d bet children in general). I took Drew out to the grocery store today, and while no one tells you before childbirth that THAT particular task becomes harder by a factor of 800, thanks to the wonderful women I encountered, the chore became just a touch easier.

First stop, Trader Joes. I push Drew in his stroller with one hand while holding a small basket in the other. A woman empathetically remarks, “Looks like you’ve got your hands full there,” and steers out of my way to give me extra space. Amidst the aisles of organic bananas and dried fruit and nuts packaged six millions ways from Sunday, women smile at me kindly, deliver silent open-mouthed ‘awwwws’ and generally let me get by so I can grab this tray of frozen enchiladas or that wholly unnecessary container of soft-baked biscotti. Buoyed by the positive experience, I decide to venture on to the local supermarket.

At Stop & Shop, my general grocery needs are greater than what a small basket will hold, so I opt to carry Drew in the Baby Bjorn. Grabbing a cart is a bit of a struggle though, and a woman immediately rushes up and offers to pull one from the godforsaken cartsnake for me. “Let me get that for you,” she says with a friendly smile, “I’ve been there before” and she gestures to three braces-clad girls behind her. The girls smile awkwardly at me, surely thinking that there’s no way their mother was ever here, with an INFANT. But it’s true, she was, and she seems to vividly remember how even the smallest task could feel like an insurmountable slog in which the payoff is barely worth the effort.

Inside the store one of the woman’s daughters declares that she “ain’t getting a cart.” “You ARE NOT getting a cart,” the woman corrects, “And yes, you are.” She leans towards me conspiratorially. “Enjoy them she says. They end up like this one day.”

I place my palm on Drew’s head and assure her that yes, I will enjoy him. I think to myself that there’s no way that I will one day be there, with surly, braces-clad teenagers in tow. But it’s true, I will be. And I hope then I give some other young mother a helping hand.